Blazing May

I write a Monthly Passage, which I learned from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self, to let go of last month and enter the new month with intention.

What worked in April

  • the Writer’s Oasis sparked my revelation that hiding doesn’t make me feel safe
  • [secret project]!
  • Past Me having done so much work and planning that’s relevant now
  • sitting with my fears
  • cooking about one new meal a week
  • making one page of Italian flashcards per week
  • planning outfits for the week on Sunday

Next time I might

  • re-establish my dance-meditate-chores habit
  • lower expectations
  • reduce my to-do list

Qualities I want for May
BOLD. Buoyancy. Wind in my hair from sailing forward! Reclaiming.

Things I’m working on

  • continuing [secret project]
  • gonna start my flower seeds sprouting
  • 10pm bed time

Looking forward to

  • sun and warmth
  • bold actions towards my potential

Asking and hoping for

  • opportunities

I’m ready for

  • moving on!
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April Sprouts

I write a Monthly Passage, which I learned from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self, to let go of last month and enter the new month with intention.

What worked in March

  • Monday Tarot
  • remembering March’s Quality was Courage
  • ruthless prioritizing and leaving things for later
  • preparing for Incoming Me
  • asking my partner to do stuff
  • eating mints when I feel a headache starting

Next time I might

  • getting ready for bed at 9.20 – it really works, and it’s also Alone Time

Qualities I want for April
Fresh Beginnings. Sprout! Reflection. Inside. Explore. Rest. Quiet.

Things I’m working on

  • [secret project]
  • another video project
  • re-learning Python
  • getting into bed at 10 pm
  • little steps towards not being terrified of conflict

Looking forward to

  • certainty
  • beginnings
  • moving towards my dreams

Asking and hoping for

  • [secret project] to be amazeballs! (It’s gonna be amazeballs)
  • my partner to move on from his obsession with outdated masculine accessories (wristwatches, pocketknives, etc.)
  • my cooking experiments to turn out yummy
  • a job interview at [place it took a lot of courage to apply to]

I’m ready for

  • being myself
  • exploration
  • progress
  • being a Hermit : )

Easy-Breezy March

I write a Monthly Passage, which I learned from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self, to let go of last month and enter the new month with intention.

What worked in February

  • Monday Tarot! I looooove picking a card every week instead of every month
  • my Google Keep dashboard – it has helped me get a magnitude of things done! (the sun doodle is from one of my fave webcomics, Lackadaisy Cats)

  • 2-3 to-dos at a time
  • one project at a time
  • writing or typing to-dos immediately when I think of them to free my brain up
  • getting up at 5.45 am
  • small steps
  • recognizing it takes me weeks to complete something – just accept it
  • putting my Monthly Tarot card as the background on my phone so I see it every day
  • making lots of food on the weekend and freezing it for dinners during the week
  • picking out the next week’s outfits on Sunday (frees up a LOT of time)
  • taking care of junk mail immediately
  • not giving a shit
  • Writer’s Oasis Saturday mornings
  • saying to myself emphatically: “NO, this can wait for tomorrow”

Next time I might

  • getting into bed at 10 pm is such a challenge, but I’ll try getting ready at 9.15

Qualities I want for March
Fun. Fancy Free. Explore. Budding. Ease. Rest. Courage. Shields Up.

Things I’m working on

  • adding items to my Amazon Seller store!! (It was a trial to get it set up, but I’ve already had one sale!)
  • finishing my video project

Looking forward to

  • fun
  • a haircut
  • my second Amazon sale!

Asking and hoping for

  • warmer weather
  • continuing from February: tenacity, nipping it in the bud, and not giving a shit

I’m ready for

  • making for the sake of making
  • fun exploration before [secret project] in April

Being Present for February

I write a Monthly Passage, which I learned from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self, to let go of last month and enter the new month with intention.

What worked in January

  • just three to-dos at a time (and having to prioritize)
  • Monday Tarot (a theme for each week)
  • writing
  • ablutions at 9.40 and in bed at 10! (most days)
  • getting up at 5.45 on weekdays = I’m less rushed and get more Me Time

Next time I might

Qualities I want
Presence. Appreciation. Gratitude. Excitement. Tenacity. Remembering.

Things I’m working on

Looking forward to

  • making a video = super fun
  • voice acting for my video, say whaaaaat

Asking and hoping for

  • tenacity to stick with my video project!

I’m ready for

  • feeling like I’m on my way to somewhere good

My Tarot Message for February

Rider Waite Smith deck

February’s card from my Year Spread is the IV of Cups. This card is about holding oneself back and being closed off from help, joy, and magic. It’s about forgetting to be present, which is why I chose the word Presence as my theme for this month. I very often feel like I don’t have enough time and money, and I forget all the support I do have. I also get dissatisfied and bored, forgetting that deeper exploration will mean greater excitement!

My Tarot resources are The Tarot Directory, Tarot Teachings, and Labyrinthos Academy.

Majestic January

I write a Monthly Passage, which I learned from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self, to let go of last month and enter the new month with intention.

What worked in December

  • taking off Mercury in retrograde (just doing fun stuff once I got home from work)
  • journaling
  • chores after work
  • time containers
  • starting out with just 15 minutes
  • focusing on one project at a time
  • getting ready for bed at 9
  • watching the snow fall
  • hawthorn infusion in my canteen during the day instead of staying up too late to drink it!

Next time I might

  • interrupt an internet dopamine binge with hugging my Pusheen stuffie! She’s a little stuffie so I squish her to my face ^_^
  • knit at night

Qualities I want for January
Majesty. Strength. Welcoming. Acceptance.

Things I’m working on

Looking forward to

  • more glitter snow!
  • my partner feeling better
  • a raise

Asking and hoping for

  • a good raise
  • a chance to go into video work at my job
  • new students

I’m ready for

  • Hope
  • feeling more and more like earning enough money and enjoying my time here is not only deserved, but natural, like it’s my birthright.

My Tarot Message for January

In my Year Spread, January’s card is Strength. Strength is often described as depicting our elevated human nature conquering our base animal instincts, but I believe it is really about accepting and welcoming the “vampire voices” or monsters – the parts of ourselves that keep us small rather than let us change and grow into unfamiliar territory. The Strength card never shows the woman beating the lion into submission, after all – she gently touches it, instead.

My Tarot resources are The Tarot Directory, Tarot Teachings, and Labyrinthos Academy.

Sunday Revue: butternut squash = yummy

Every Sunday I revue – the fun kind of review – the past week. I base this on the old style Friday Chicken from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self.

What worked

  • all chores after work so I don’t have so much to do at night before bed
  • having a time container for mindlessly surfing the internet
  • getting ready for bed at 9 and going back to my laptop if necessary after
  • having taken time off while Mercury was in retrograde
  • having just one to-do each work-night
  • watching the snow fall : )

Next time I might

  • not having my hawthorn infusion at night, because I stay up too late drinking it

The Hard

  • it hasn’t been very sunny
  • my partner is so scared of colon cancer that he has made a colonoscopy appointment, which I think is wholly unnecessary and dangerous, given that his symptoms have been mild and are probably just gluten intolerance
  • the week went very slowly – Friday felt like a whole extra day

The Good

  • the gastroenterologist my partner saw was actually pretty cool and suggested my partner get some therapy to move through this fear of dying
  • since my partner cut wheat, dairy, and sugar from his diet two weeks ago, his symptoms have gotten way better and he’s felt better
  • significant changes to my working environment have helped my day-to-day be a lot more bearable
  • feeling like maybe, one day, I will earn enough money to be comfortable
  • delicious noms – I made the Lightly Curried Butternut Squash Soup from Good and Cheap – actually never having eaten a butternut squash before – and it was super yummy! (I would only use 1/3 or 1/4 of a teaspoon of cayenne powder, though – even 1/2 was too much.)

Sunday Revue: time containers

Every Sunday I revue – the fun kind of review – the past week. I base this on the old style Friday Chicken from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self.

What worked

  • having to-dos like “dance for 15 minutes three days this week”
  • doing all my chores after work
  • starting 15 minutes of a task
  • having time containers
  • getting nine hours of sleep on the weekends

Next time I might

  • get some help when it’s midnight and I’m still looking at dance costumes I’m not going to buy

The Hard

  • First World Problem of deciding what to buy on clearance, and then getting overwhelmed and deciding to not buy anything
  • my partner and I were breathing easier with his new job, but then nobody told him about health insurance, and he had to go through the healthcare marketplace and now he’s out almost $300 a month : (
  • my partner has been on a video game binge this weekend and I’m not happy about it

The Good

  • my partner played the piano this weekend, breaking the video game binge and lifting me from my spiraling negative thoughts
  • my partner had convinced himself he had colon cancer, but after not eating wheat, sugar, and dairy for just a week, he’s felt a lot better
  • I got a pair of mittens! My fingers are soooo much warmer
  • no matter how I feel, the fact is I accomplish a lot every day.

Sunday Revue: feeling light

Every Sunday I revue – the fun kind of review – the past week. I base this on the old style Friday Chicken from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self.

What worked

  • saying no again
  • dreaming

Next time I might

  • before bed, do something soothing that doesn’t require a lot of brainpower to get settled

The Hard

  • bored at work
  • my partner is very delicate
  • feeling really sleepy
  • feeling compelled to stay up late because of dopamine hits (thanks Internet) and needing some alone time

The Good

  • keeping my partner always happy is not my responsibility, and I’m really feeling that knowledge this month, and it feels awesome
  • my partner is finding ways to calm himself down; he even said he was going to parent himself the way he wished he would have been parented as a child – and I didn’t even have to introduce that idea, which I’ve read from Bethany Webster
  • yummy noms
  • I made some slippery elm balls for my partner to eat when his stomach is upset – I used 1/3 cup powder to 4 soup spoons of honey, if that helps anyone. Slippery elm smells like brown sugar, mmmm
  • Bakers Creek Heirloom Seeds Catalog came in the maaaaail
  • not being weighed down by the job search
  • building up my savings!

Radical rest in December

I write a Monthly Passage, which I learned from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self, to let go of last month and enter the new month with intention.

What worked in November

  • napping a lot
  • crying a lot
  • hugs
  • making a compass
  • asking for help
  • 15 minutes of some tasks
  • forcing Neat Bee (Nip It In The Bud)
  • cultivating my Inner Observer
  • focusing on one thing at a time – helped immensely
  • going ahead even though I’m not 100% perfect
  • I held a Rally!
  • welcoming fear
  • remembering my messages from the Tarot

Next time I might

  • focus on one thing at a time – always
  • ask the Tarot sooner – always!
  • listen
  • write stuff down to get it out of my head

Qualities I want for December
Rest. Light. Focus. Solid Ground. Sovereign As Hell. Always Safe.

Superpower I want
Tenacious Monk.

Things I’m working on

  • building up my savings, possibly by selling things I don’t want
  • still welcoming help
  • resting like it’s my job

Looking forward to

  • maybe a new job (but I’m just proud of myself for applying, especially because they’re long shots)
  • my mom feeling better

Asking and hoping for

  • the peace I feel now to extend the whole month long
  • help

I’m ready for

  • new
  • settling into Always Safe

Tarot Message
I got two – the Emperor popped out, but I decided to draw another one, which was the Devil. They are just what I need right now.

The Emperor

  • authority
  • worldly success
  • stablity
  • structure
  • focus
  • set boundaries
  • grounding
  • follow your goals methodically

The Devil

  • potential in our most hidden parts of self
  • remove blockages by exposing them
  • “we’re blind to our own beauty”
  • illusion
  • enslavement
  • feeling trapped, empty, and unfulfilled
  • duality

My Tarot resources are The Tarot Directory, Tarot Teachings, and Labyrinthos Academy.

Sunday Revue: solid

Every Sunday I revue – the fun kind of review – the past week. I base this on the old style Friday Chicken from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self.

What worked

  • naps
  • setting up email alerts for jobs on Indeed.com instead of killing myself searching manually
  • listing my projects in order of priority
  • focusing on one project at a time
  • saying no
  • tapping (EFT)

Next time I might

  • leave work when I have a headache goddammit

The Hard

  • the headache that made me throw up
  • feeling dissociated and confused
  • being around people who don’t seem human
  • did I mention U.S. healthcare suuuuuuuuuuuuucks

The Good

  • a huge weight lifted from my shoulders
  • maybe replenishing my savings by selling things I don’t want online
  • Mom had a breakthrough
  • my partner made some dinners this week and that freed up some time for me
  • feeling solid

Sunday Revue: free time!

Every Sunday I revue – the fun kind of review – the past week. I base this on the old style Friday Chicken from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self.

What worked

  • being open to help
  • focusing on one thing at a time
  • deciding to go ahead even though I don’t meet 100% of the requirements
  • welcoming fear
  • forcing Neat Bee (Nip It In The Bud) by removing my “catch-all” container for papers – now I’m forced to file them right away
  • starting with 15 minutes (and it turned into 45)
  • Rally! I held a Rally at home – I was so lucky to have snapped that up from Havi when she offered it (last year, I think)

Next time I might

  • actually feeling pretty great right now

The Hard

  • my partner feeling scared
  • the U.S. healthcare system suuuuuuucks – the Marketplace premiums went up significantly, but most companies are not offering private individual plans at all in 2018, so what can you do? I found something called a medical insurance package that is better than nothing, but it will mean paying the tax penalty because it’s not ACA-approved.

The Good

  • feeling hopeful!
  • having a Plan B that I’m going to do anyway because I want to :)
  • had a great Saturday
  • cleaning a lot and getting a handle on my papers
  • my tomatoes are finally turning red!
  • feeling big and expansive

Sunday Revue: observing

Every Sunday I revue – the fun kind of review – the past week. I base this on the old style Friday Chicken from Havi’s blog at The Fluent Self.

What worked

  • crying
  • 15 minutes of some tasks
  • Neat Bee (Nip It In The Bud) for some things
  • being open to help
  • observing, “Okay, it’s interesting that I’m feeling these feelings and thinking these thoughts.”

Next time I might

  • write stuff down to get it out of my head

The Hard

  • feeling disassociated
  • people withholding information I need
  • not finding jobs
  • feeling like there are no jobs for introverts
  • steps back at work
  • aches and pains from work

The Good

  • Lady Dynamite season 2 is absolutely hilarious. I have cried laughing each episode.
  • feeling, a little, like I have more money than before
  • two days off for Thanksgiving!
  • I started the American Tribal Style classes over on Datura.com and it’s been nice to feel a sense of progression
  • still working on my game (I’ve heard one feature takes one hour to get working, and boy is that true!!)
  • snuggles with my partner : )